First convention-"Fur"ther confused...

So I may be attending my first con this coming february. I pray I have the funds to do so. Alex is so supportive, but I don't wanna chase her off. Imagine a frigid, sex-aversive girl like her there. How funny... I hope by then I have some christmas memories worth having. I want to get laid so badly. Why can't she just be a fucking human being?

The con looks like a lot of fun, but I am not sure about the size. Looks kinda small. I will make it out to Anthrocon someday.

Dichotomy

So, this is what I am about. This is a perfect representation of me. Half wants to be this wacky, fun, and completely independent free spirit, the other is a rigid, uniformed, hateful beast that can't see his own issues. I really dont like the idea of being gay, but the lifestyle looks fun. Free love all the time, emotionally driven lives filled with joy and exploration. Instead, I am here, locked into a sexless relationship, blinded by spiritual duty. What is the point of having life suck in order to achieve something no one can actually describe. If eternal life means this life forever, constantly in chains under a ruler no one can see, that safeguards everything it does, I don't really want that. Count me out.

Why am I nice?

What is the point? Am I nice just because it is expected, or because I want to be? I would have much rather custom-tailored this woman from top to bottom, but I gave her a hug. What was THAT about? I am so cordial to Shannon, even though she is the one being a fucktard all the time. Seriously, "He calls me his princess"? If only all guys could get a fine piece of ass like that for such a simple little fleeting statement. Being nice is the biggest lie humanity has accepted for itself. You ignore reality, let yourself get ass-raped with a pitchfork, and try to smile. We all take our turns being the ashole, but much like any small child, you may not learn your place, and never grow past such a stage.